What Am I Thinking (1)? – Boom and Bust

What Am I Thinking? — By Jian Wei on September 25, 2009 at 1:32 PM

Cluttered Desk, Paradoxical Life

I am no constant. I tried to be but the efforts had been futile. It is surprising how little you know yourself until you finally take a decision to step back and peruse the person you see in the mirror. Actions after actions, ESPECIALLY the little and insignificants, were broken down into tiny parts and scrutinized for all they’re worth. It’s surprising how much the subconscious actions reveal the narratives of my personality: the complexities, the contradictions and the ironies.

I like leaving my desk cluttered. Because the truth is I hate cluttered desks. I messed it up, just to savour the joys of clearing it later. The euphoria derived upon the sight of seamless transformation – it’s as though I had just been reborn; with a renewed sense of purpose; with the ammunition to take on the rough days.

I pile my homework to the end. Because I hate last minute work. I keep it till the very end, just for the adrenalin rush as I gush through the assignments; just the sound of the heartbeat when I’m close to the finish line; and for the sense of accomplishment when I’ve nailed it all.

I tried to change. I tried being consistent, being everything that I SHOULD be. But heck! Don’t you guys know??

I live on boom and bust.